just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
