Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The ass gains better be worth it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
