Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Im part way to drunk.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
