Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
