i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
