you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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