i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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