Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
