my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
