its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize