I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
