my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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