I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Randomize