Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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