I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
