I must be too annoying 4 u.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Why is your signature on my underwear?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
