I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
