So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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