She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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