Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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