ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
