Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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