Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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