He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
