Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
