somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
