Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
