put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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