The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Randomize
