Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
