I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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