why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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