I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
