Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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