He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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