Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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