well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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