Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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