Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
