The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
