I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
