Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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