he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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