I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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