It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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