True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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