I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sober January is a disaster.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
