we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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