I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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