all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize