i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
