how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
