Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
