I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
