did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
