my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
