I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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