He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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