we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Randomize
