Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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