I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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