I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
