hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
