I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize