she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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