yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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