My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
