Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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