I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
