i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
