I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
