$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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