i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
