I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
