I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
