Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
