so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
