Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
