she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
