I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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