Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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