Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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