Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just had sex on a roof
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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