so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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