Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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