If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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