reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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