We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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