you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize