so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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