she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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