i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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