Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
