I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
not ubering you a puppy
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
