So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
