how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
soo... how was my night?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
