he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
